Posting.... all Day!

5th Post:
Feb 15, 10
Tears are sometimes the Best Medicine!

 

 

..."So I have determined that maybe it isn't just me that finds some resolute in having a good cry every once in a while. I perhaps cry more than most people will admit to, but it isn't always because I am sad. There are times of happy tears, or tears that rage down my face in anger. I have cried out of misery and loneliness, as well as out of gratitude and forgiveness. Yesterday I cried out of grief but today I cried in relief, and both times I cried over the same thing.

I got my tattoo yesterday and felt a little bit of pain, but mostly relief. I am not numb! I swore that I was locking away all my emotions. It was my secret plan for getting over my most recent relationship. I love this man, and I felt as if I needed to act like I didn't to feel better, and to move on. I am going to try. I plan on going out with other people, but it isn't because I don't care about him... in fact, I really believe that we could still have a future together. It is NOT written in stone by any means, and for all I know I could meet the man of my dreams tomorrow, and this will all seem like a distant memory. It is the chance that we take when we break up with someone we still love and want to be with.

But the timing is wrong. It isn't right at this moment, and we both need to accomplish some things individually before we can start a life together. Today, we cried together, and there was something refreshing about it. I don't feel like the bad guy anymore, and he wasn't being selfish today, and all the things that we fought about all this time were no where to be found. without all of that stuff we found a common ground, and I am still a little sad, and I still want to cry, but I feel better too. I feel as if the loose end we left isn't quite so loose. I know now that we will be able to see each other and it not feel like the end of the world.

I have a better sense of myself today, and for that I am grateful. Yes, there are still plenty of things that I need to work on, and I have every intention of continuing to do so, but I feel a little more complete, and a little more grown up. I feel stronger, and more determined than ever. I feel revitalized, and content with things, and it is refreshing. I honestly think that I can go to bed tonight, and wake up tomorrow with a clear head, and a fire under my butt. I needed today to happen the way that it did, and it wasn't easy but I feel like I was tested today, and passed.

I added the Serenity Prayer at the top because I feel like I was able to utilize it very well today. This prayer has gotten me through more debacles than I care to keep count of and I know that I can rely on it again, and again in the future. Hopefully you can let it help guide you through your hard times as well. Until then, goodnight, and be good to one another!"....