4th Post.....

4th Post:

Feb 14, 10

Valentine's Schmalentines

 

..."Happy flippin' Valentine's Day Everyone!!!!!!

Here is the deal with me today... I am wallowing in a pool of my own self pity. Here I am, 25 years old, finally making some breaks in the right direction, and depressed. How does this happen? I realize that being a female we are able to feel so many emotions at once, but this is a little ridiculous! I am ecstatic that I got a new job for a company that I love, and that I have the photo shoot for the cover of my book, that has been a project 2 years in the making, in 2 days. These are all amazing things, but here I am... wallowing. I am sad for several reasons, but this is the biggest one: Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I know, I know... this seems silly, but I have a good explanation. For me, V-Day is like Christmas in the sense that I feel as if the true meaning has been skewed into something that it isn't anymore. Like Xmas, now it is all about presents and candy, and everything being colored in red and pink. Everyone forgets that it is a holiday meant to celebrate love.

This isn't just a holiday that celebrates being in love, but having loved ones. Being able to share with the people that you love, and love you should be the ideal holiday pick-me-up. Instead it is like a "singles awareness" holiday. The ability that we have to experience love is absolutely incredible as it is, but then to compile that fact with the way that we are able to allow ourselves to BE loved as well just blows my mind. I am still in love, and I think that is the reason why this year, this holiday bitter-sweetly reminds me of the love that I recently lost, and makes me want to self-loathe.

So this Valentine's I am celebrating with a tattoo. I know that seems crazy, and quite frankly, it is, but I have, in my mind, some reasonable rationalizationing (is that a word?...spell check...no!) One, I want it, and since today is going to suck, why not fill it with something that I want to do? Secondly, it will help me release some endorphins, through the adrenaline I will feel enduced by pain. But hey, at least I will know that I am not numb. Third, and lastly, the quote that i want to get is one not only pertinent to me, but to this holiday, and where I am today, not being able to celebrate it the way that I had hoped

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it." Audrey Hepburn

Today I will celebrate the fact that I still do have a terrible need to give affection to someone... and today it won't be a romantic kind, but it will still count. And maybe someday I will finally be able to have a good Valentine's Day with someone who loves me, and I love back, and it will make me forget about the years that I forgot the true meaning of this holiday.

So Happy Valentine's Day to all, because when you think about it... we all have a reason to celebrate!"....