The Battle Between Faith and Fear!

I have literally written, and re-written this blog segment over and over because there is not just a message I am trying  to get across but a feeling as well. I want people to read this and walk away with a question mark over their head. Not because they are confused, but because they are curious! I want to leave a sense of wonderment, and maybe even excitement. I hope I can achieve this... the fourth time around.

Today, while cleaning my apartment, I put on this movie...

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

I had forgotten how amazing the "moral" of this movie is, and that the underlying lesson would remind me of all the beautiful things that life has to offer if you just change your perspective a little bit.  

I realize more and more every day that everyday life is a beating. 

Be here. 

Go there. 

Do this. 

Do that. 

Make this happen, 

by this time, 

or else.


Why did life become so much less fun as an adult?
Or better yet, why did we stop having as much fun as we did when we were kids?
What happened to "imaginary friends", and pretending?


Why did our age suddenly affect our imagination?
Why did real life stop us from believing the things we did as kids?
Why did being an astronaut suddenly become so unreasonable?
Why did fairies and angels become something make believe?
Where did all the magic go?


I look at my son, and he has such wonderment in his eyes. He talks about life like it one big adventure and he has super-human powers that can ward off evil and save the day. He is a new character or version of that character every day, and is only limited by how far he can stretch his imagination. Santa Clause still exists and reindeer can fly, and everything is happier... brighter... and anything is possible.


How did we forget that?
...
Was it because "Life Lessons" have a way of making us forget to believe?


"Gravity says that there is no way that reindeer can fly. It is the simple law of physics."
RIGHT?? If it can't be proven then it must not exist; it must not be possible.


But I wonder, when did that become true about you?
When did you lose your magic? When did you lose you "sparkle"?
When did your life become "just life"?


So you are probably wondering how this relates to the movie.


Henry is your average, everyday, working stiff who see life as literally as a person could. When weird things start to happen in the "magical' toy store he has been hired to appraise, and things stop making sense, he searches for answers.

(To Mr. Magorium)

Henry Weston: According to your employment records, you've had several fictional characters on the books.

Mr. Magorium: Like whom?

Henry Weston: The King of Planet Yaweh

Mr. Magorium: Oh, he's not fictional

Henry Weston: Sir, there are people....

Mr. Magorium: (interrupting) He's not really the king, and the Planet Yaweh doesn't exist, but he's not fictional.

Henry Weston: Well, that's the thing, if there's no planet...

Mr. Magorium: Mr. Weston?

Henry Weston: Yes sir?

Mr. Magorium: You can't blame people for having aspirations, hmmm?

Henry is beside himself and determined to find an answer that he understands. In an attempt to do so, he turn to Mahoney, the store manager for some clarity on this history that he believes Mr. Magorium has "fabricated".

Henry Weston:  Mahoney, wait, I just need a... simple explanation.

Molly Mahoney: Sure. It's a magical toy store.

Henry Weston: There's no such things as a magical toy store.

Molly Mahoney: Sure there is.

Henry Weston: When you say magical, do you mean special?

Molly Mahoney: No, I mean magical.

Henry Weston: Unique?

Molly Mahoney: Magical.

Henry Weston: What about... really really cool?

Molly Mahoney: MAGICAL.

Henry Weston: Ok, what's behind me is a toy store. It is a big one. It is a weird one but it is just... a toy store.

Molly Mahoney: I knew it. As soon as I saw that suit.

Henry Weston: Knew what?

Molly Mahoney: You're a "just" guy.

Henry Weston: What's a "just" guy?

Molly Mahoney: A guy just like you. Same hair, same suit, SAME shoes, walks around, no matter what, you think it's all just a store, it's just a bench, it's just a tree. It's just what it is, nothing more!

Henry Weston: Alright, but, but this looks over shoulder)... is just a store.

Molly Mahoney: I'm sure to you... it is.

What we learn through the same process that Henry does, is that Mr. Magorium isn't crazy, he simply just  sees life a little differently... he sees people differently. As what they can be, not just what they are. And in believing in them, they have the ability to become more.

Mr. Magorium: 37 seconds.

Molly Mahoney: Great. Well done. Now we wait.

Mr. Magorium: No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, we used, is a lifetime.

Hearing the way that Mr. Magorium thinks really made me take a step back and try to see life through his eyes. No it is not a traditional way of thinking. His character is viewed as a crazy, eccentric... but he certainly enjoys life more, and sees the beauty in the world rather than being beaten down by all of the different things that life seems to throw at us.

Mr. Magorium: We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery.

That last line sums up everything to me.

We never know what is going to happen from day to day, or even moment to moment. But we still have to wake up ready to take on the day with tenacity, and excitement. But "bravery"... that is the most important one.

Bravery; boldness; courage; FEARLESSNESS!

So what are we scared of? As an adult we are no longer scared of vampires, ghosts, or goblins, but almost every single one of us, at one time or another, is afraid of failure!

The "fear of failure" is a learned emotion. You probably don't remember learning to walk, but many of us have watched a child try to do just that. And no matter how many times they fall, they always get back up and try again. They don't think about anything else, they just try. And even if they fall, they don't let it stop them from getting right back up and doing it all over again. Because all it takes is one time for it to work.

But even if they are scared of falling, they are never scared of failing.

Falling is inevitable, but worrying whether or not we will fail will only prevent us from succeeding. You are your only problem, but you are also your only solution.

There is a balance. Somewhere between responsibility and childhood enthusiasm. 

Somewhere between faith and fantasy. Somewhere between belief and cynicism.

I would never tell you to evade all of your obligations and live your life as if you were a child again. But I do have to ask you who told you to forget to dream? The only people who would do that are the ones who were too scared to chase their dreams, and don't want to see you go on to be all the things that they aren't.  Don't handicap your life. Let your child, or at least your inner child, teach you how to live again, so that you don't, in turn, handicap their lives too. Learn to live as if you were learning to walk again...

You might just find yourself in a place you thought you could only dream of!!

Be the BEST you... TODAY!!!

This kind of reminds me of the classic line from Talladega Nights, "If you ain't first.... you're last!" 

But nevertheless, I like it because it is true... I have decided that being politically correct only works about half the time, so here is another little motivational ditty...

To me.... this is HILARIOUS!!!!!!! And totally true. "Seize the hell out of this day!"

The only thing that I have to say today is this:

You only have one life.... why the hell would you waste a single day in it. I know that people don't always agree with me, the things that I say and do, or the way I choose to live my life, but I say to them, 

what are YOU doing that is so much better?!?!

If there is a person in this world that can match my level of drive, work ethic, passion, and willingness to learn and want to succeed, I will high five the shit out of them and ask them to be on my team. I might not do things the way I am "supposed" to, or follow the path that everyone else thinks I should, but why would I?

I am me.... You are you! I won't judge you for doing the things that you love, as long as you are doing them 100%.  I don't care if you bag groceries at the store or are the CEO of a multi-million dollar company, but you better OWN that job. I might just be a bartender or a server at a bar while I am getting on my feet, but I am going to work that job like it is paying me the same as the CEO of a major corporation. And for the sheer reason that you never know WHO you are going to meet, or WHAT they can do for you, and every person wants to work with someone who works hard, and keeps a smile on their face while they are doing it.

My recommendation to everyone today is simple.... If you are already at work, come back from lunch and act like you just got a promotion and you have a new standard of work to uphold. If you are about to go to work, walk in like you have been conquering the world all day and you AREN'T stopping now. 

Take every day and make the most out of it....

If you don't, then what is the point of getting out of bed??

Now go out, and BE SOMEBODY!!!!

Fake it till you make it...

The funny thing about feelings is that YOU are the only one that has control over them. You can let someone piss you off or just get over it.  You can become overwhelmed with a situation, or take a deep breath and attack it in full force. You can be depressed that you lost your job and sit around moping about it OR get motivated to get up off your butt and get another one.

A miraculous thing that I have realized, and practiced, over the last few years is "fake it till you make it!".  If I am in a bad mood, I acknowledge that I am in a bad mood and then fake being in a good one. When people ask me how I am doing, I could catalog all the reasons why my day is sooooo shitty, and why I am in a terrible mood, and don't wanna be there, but who is that helping? So, instead, I LIE!!!

"I am fantastic!! How are you??"

Amazingly, that person IMMEDIATELY feels the need to compensate for their mediocre day and cheer up. RINSE & REPEAT! What is even more incredible is that after doing this over and over again, at some point you will look up and realize you are ACTUALLY in a good mood.  You ARE having a fantastic day. Through getting in a habit of this, I have realized that I am the one who determines my mood, and I am the one who gets in the way of it. There is no reason for me to sit and wallow in a pool of my own self pity. So what if I got a phone call that made me a sour puss. How much time is that person worth me being angry?!? 10 minutes? 1 hour? 1 day? 1 week?

Only you can decide how long to hang on to these things, and only you can decide to let them go. The same goes for negative thoughts. Based on the situation I have lined out above, I think you see a pattern in the power of our thoughts. If you want something to happen, then you have to believe that it can.... NO MATTER HOW BIG IT IS! Believing that it is possible, even if it seems unreasonable, is the only way that you will feel confident enough to go after it in the first place. If you say to yourself every day that you are going to get a promotion, and anytime something bad happens at work that distracts from that, you have to SHUT DOWN the negativity and immediately revert back to thinking that you ARE going to get a promotion. And not just thinking it, but truly BELIEVING it.  And I am even willing to take it a step further and say that you need to be thankful for it as if it has already happened!

If you allow room for doubt in your mind, then you allow room for failure in your life!  You cannot question your own value because it will cause others to underestimate your worth!! People perceive you the way that you present yourself, and if you lack faith in yourself, no one else will believe in you!

Take today to think about all the good things about YOU! Think about your ideal life, and the goals and aspirations you would want but are too scared to go for! WRITE THEM DOWN and repeat them every day like a mantra. Carry it in your pocket. Write it on your mirror. Have an alarm remider on your cell phone. Anything that will keep those goals present and in the forefront of your mind, and what you will begin to find is that ,without even knowing it, you have started doing little things to work towards it.  You will look up and be closer to your goals than you thought you would be, and you didn't even realize you were trying.

Now just imagine what would happen if you made a CONSCIOUS effort!!!!

Food for thought!!!!

The Fit Vlog is BACK!!!!!!

The Fit Vlog is BACK!!!!!!
I am prolly gonna die... again!
But it will be worth it when I have a 6-pack in my coffin!

Vliggity Vlog: So Far This Year

Another compilation video of some fun things that have happened so far this year.... funny moments, and lots of awkward laughing! You know you will love it when there is a video involving dancing, singing, ice cream, racial slurs and shooting guns! Killing zombies.... DUH!

The Vliggity Vlog: Finding Some Happy-ness

The Vliggity Vlog: Finding Some Happiness!!!

It had been a while since I had edited a video... I got a little bit low-key depressed for a min... but I am back now and can't wait to keep making these. More to come, whether you like it or not!
<3

Who's really holding you back?!?!

I learned a very interesting and valuable lesson this week....

I may be my worst critic, but being hard on myself is part of what keeps me going; Keeps me moving forward. I have the right to choose my own path, and though I may beat myself up along the way about this or that, it is really because I want to be the best of the best. What ever it is that I decide to do I don't wanna do it half-assed. I am the one with the power to make OR break what happens. I can chose to do or not to do things, to eat or not eat right, to exercise or not to.

I have to be the one that takes responsibility for my actions and I can't let anyone else's opinions come in the way of what I do. My success or lack of it isn't going to affect them, so why do I care what they think. If I am not satisfied with my body, for example, it will show in the way that I carry myself which could cost me a job, and that affects ME and my kid.... not whoever told me that I was already too skinny and needed to put on 10 lbs. likely because it would make THEM feel better about themselves.

I have figured out, and don't know if it has been said before or not, but...

"You can't let someone else make you believe that your dreams are unachievable because they weren't able to achieve theirs".

People wanna give advice to help you "avoid making the same mistakes that they did", but life is full of mistakes, and you learn the lessons that make you grow by making them. Without them there is not growth... no forward motion. I used to say that my biggest fear was a Fear of Failure, but then I heard this,

"To increase your success rate you have to be WILLING to double your failure rate."

What that says to me is that you have to try. You have to be willing to take a chance.... and the thing that I find the most interesting about the word "chance" is the double meaning.... As a verb it means "to risk", but as a noun it means "fate".  I don't think that it is a coincidence that in the same word you get a key to life...

Even fate requires risk.

You can lead an animal to water but you can't make them drink.

You can be prepped, and groomed, and even trained for what you are MEANT to be doing, but unless you actually take what you have learned and apply it to actually doing it then everything you have been through is null and void.  You have to be your OWN motivation. You have to make the decision.

You have to take the chance to do these things and YOU are the only one that can stop yourself from success, and I will say this.....

I REFUSE TO BE THE ONE THAT KILLS

 THE DREAMS I HAVE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE LIVING FOR.

I WILL take the chance, and though I may fail, I WILL try!

Will You?

This week I feel POOPY!

This is how I feel everyday! 

I know that it is dumb.... but this is my life. I realize and will be the first to admit that I have a skewed self perception, but it is an everyday struggle.  Like the FIRST picture, people look at me like I am damn crazy, and then like the second picture I get home, look in the mirror and see myself completely differently than everyone else. It is not quite as severe as that, but it is something that I have a problem with. Normally I squash it, and just go about trying my best to be as healthy as I can. I want to eat well and exercise, and do all of it the right way, but then THIS week, for some reason, and for the second time in my life, I am having UNhealthy thoughts. And I am willing to admit it to you guys right now, because I feel like in some way it is going to be therapeutic. 

Now I guess I can be more specific about unhealthy thoughts...

Extreme dieting, diet pills, Aderall (for appetite suppression), diet pills, eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia), extreme exercises......... and it is like a constant spinning in my head. It is terrible.... and why? Why now of all the times that I have been down and out, and stressed... why now? It doesn't make any sense. Granted, yes I am PMS'ing but Jesus, Lord in Heaven, what is my problem. I know that by admitting this to you guys, that there will be people who think that the weight that I have lost up to this point was done UN healthily as well, which is NOT true AT ALL. I have worked REALLY hard to get where I am and it sucks to have these thoughts creep into my head.

It is partly the industry, because being in the entertainment industry does knock the shit out of you most days. Models left and right are too thin.... but I know MOST of it is all bull shit. I noticed today that every single person that graced the cover of magazines this month were getting slammed by US Weekly about being too thin, which sets a complete double standard.

Please someone tell me what we are supposed to believe.... You look  at these women on the covers of these magazines and they look so healthy and beautiful and then they are slandered on the same shelf for being too thing and accused of eating disorders. I don't know. I mean, hell, Audrina is on the cover of Shape this month, which is a HEALTH and WELLNESS magazine. So I am not sure of what the standard is supposed to be, but I know what my competition looks like, and IF I want ANY chance of being on the cover of Glamour, InStyle, or Shape, I better get on it, and stay on it.

I am in no way saying that I actually think I am fat, or that I really will go to extreme measures to get to where I think I need to be in this pea brain of mine. What I am doing is saying that part of the reason I got out of the "industry" in the first place was because I lost a friend to anorexia, and I saw what this business can do to people, and I was not in a good place mentally, and I was worried about succumbing to it. I wanted to feel normal. I wanted to be held at normal standards. I wanted to go back to feeling good about myself because I was better than average at most things, and I took some sort of pride away from that. 

Here I am now, 8 years older, 10 lbs heavier, and going back up against the 17 year old version of myself. It is a bit of a mind fuck! Here is the good news, cause Lord knows we need it, otherwise I will have people start an intervention and try to have me committed....

I might be 8 years older, but I am 8 years smarter as well. I am 8 years more experienced and I am 8 years more well rounded in my talents. I will kill these young skinny bitches at the things that really matter, and I am better off for it. I am not perfect, and damnit I earned it. I will not be taking any extreme measures, so no worries, but I felt like letting them out of my head, because being alone with them in here was killing me.  I am sure that these thoughts and worries will pass with my PMS and I look very much forward to that. My only requests are these:

1. Please don't give me a hard time about giving myself a hard time. It is counter productive. I am my worst critic by a LONG shot and you just need to let me work it out in my own head, and help me focus on the things that I am good at.

2. Please understand that I hold myself at a different standard than most people... and for most it is completely unrealistic and unattainable, but I genuinely feel like I can reach it, and therefore ask you to revert back to #1.

3. I know that I am thin and do not like to be told that I am too thin. I also don't like people trying to accuse my weight or choice to not eat meat of being the cause of me getting sick from time to time. I have talked to my physician in GREAT detail about all concerns located above and the diagnosis is this:

I am at a healthy weight, and even if I lost another 5 pounds, my BMI (body mass index) would still be considered healthy.  My diet is wonderful, and I have one of the healthiest sets of eating habits she has ever seen, especially considering that I am a diagnosed Compulsive Eater.

And lastly, the catalyst to me being sick all the time is that I am over working and under resting. I don't sleep enough people, and burn my candle at both ends. Stress is what is killing me.... not being thin. So if you have a problem with it, then SUCK IT!

I know that I cause my own problems, so please do me a favor and don't make them worse.

I am working through my problems a day at a time. I am sharing because even I, the person everyone comes to FOR help and advice, sometimes NEED a little help and advice.

This is a it of a tangent, I know, but for some reason, the last few days, I have not been easily able to shake the negative thoughts, and that just will not do. I am hoping that my venting here will help me clear my head, and I appreciate all of your understandings....

Goodnight sweet world, and keep your heads up!

Star Wars, Sushi and Sunburns!

These are the three things that consumed MOST of my recent trip to LA! It is a good thing that I am just as big of a nerd as the people I choose to hang out with cause we were super "geeked" out all weekend.

It started with a quick breakfast, and then a movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides 3D!

Now lemme tell you something, I am used to being in Dallas, so when I pay $18 for a movie, I don't expect much, but apparently in LA they feel the need to give you a little more for your money. Starting with gold coins in a little "pirate's booty" sack. Unfortunately we were not allowed to buy our Sprite with it, GAY! So, we hobble down to our seats (cause I forgot to mention that Nate broke his foot, and was on crutches ALL weekend! PRESH) and when I say we got a pre-show, I believe that to be an understatement. The "pre-show" ended in confetti, and this was all BEFORE the movie had even started! I was sooo confused, but then the movie followed directly afterwards. My opinion on the movie: If you like all the other "Pirates" movies, then you will like this one as well. Very well done, and entertaining, although the confetti may have something to do with my opinion!

THEN IT WAS NAP TIME! Thank the Lord!

After naptime, it was MAVS PLAYOFF TIME! Whoop! MFFL!

We went to a spot called "the Spot!" so you know you are in the right place! It is Game 2 against the Miami Heat and we are already down one game after losing in Miami 92-84. F! We posted up, ate some grub, bumped into a few friends, and got ready to try to come back and tie up the series. There, of course, was one SUPER obnoxious Heat fan that was yelling and chanting the WHOLE game, while the rest of the bar seemed more interested in making sure the LeBron lost making them Mavs fans by default! But I will take it! As we started the 4th quarter, I made a vow that if the Mavs came back and won I was going to run over to the guy and run circles around him cheering relentlessly in his face! But OF COURSE as Dallas closed the point deficit and it looked like they might magically take the win, THAT guy is no where to be found! Puss!

The next day... SUSHI! I love myself some sushi.... delicious! After some intense games of Words With Friends and belly full of awesome, we were headed to Disneyland.

YES I SAID IT!

Our plan was quickly derailed when we realized that if we postponed Disney to the following day, we could get better seats at Star Wars in Concert.  I know what you are thinking to yourself, and YES it was UN-freaking-believable. Even Anthony Daniels, who played the original C3PO, was there narrating. But by the end, even LA locals were shivering while shaking their plastic light sabers, so we knew it was time to go! After an EMERGENCY CRIPPLE potty break, and detour through the Hollywood Hills, we finally made it back in one piece.

The next day was a big day.... DISNEYLAND for the opening weekend of the new Star Tours 2.0: 3D Interactive Star Wars Experience!

http://www.studioscentral.com/attractions/star-tours-adventures-continue

And not thinking about the fact that it was a Saturday and going to be completely overrun with children and overweight people who walk WAY too slow for their own good, it was quite entertaining having to wheel Nate around in a wheelchair the entire day. Perks, it was just plain funny, we got to cut a little bit of the line on most of the rides, and it gave me a chair whenever I needed one! After thinking we were going to die in the Temple of Doom due to a ride malfunction, and some really expensive, mediocre park food, and Ty's new $50 Yoda Backpack that I just knew he couldn't live without, our day was complete.

Stop to buy some tequila and beer on the way home, and Saturday is concluded with a crappy horror film! PERFECT!

Wake up Sunday, my last day, and I am feeling unsettled because of HOW settled I feel. I'm sitting on the balcony overlooking the LA skyline as the sun comes up. I get my doodle/notepad that I never leave the house without in case I have a dose of genius pop into my head and have to write it down! Made a few necessary phone calls, kicked my feet up and just enjoyed the beautiful sun, and a pleasant breeze.... 70 degress MAX.

 B-E-A-Utiful! Hell, I even have my cardigan on... well apparently no one told me that you can get super sunburned just sitting in the sun. And because of my LACK of concern over the fact that it wasn't even warm out, My chest and shins proceeded to get a nasty, painful sunburn that is now peeling off of my body! :) But it was worth it. Best reflection time I have had in FOREVER!

Clean up the house a bit, and head to meet my cousin Jeron's BF, Wes (<--- LOVE HIM!) for none other than SUSHI! Then off to the airport!

This trip did a lot of things for me... but mostly cleared my head!

There is really no better way to know if you belong in a place than if you take lots of deep sighs in contentment. Life in Dallas has been beating the shit out of me for years and as much I would loved to have moved a LONG time before now, I finally feel good enough about myself and where I am in life, as well as Tyler's age and the situation with my ex to even consider a move like this!  If I want to continue to make moves and grow, then I don't really feel like I will be able to do it in Dallas. So...

This trip was a big deal to me! I wanted to see a number of things:

1. Could I relax? Collect my thoughts?

2. Do I feel loved and supported?

3. Could I make a life here?

4. Could I work and support myself, and my child away from everyone and everything I am used to having around?

I can honestly say the thing that has been holding me back is ME! I have allowed other people and their negative thoughts and guilt trips hold me back. So, this is my way of letting everyone know that I have made the decision and am currently setting groundwork for a Nov. 1st move to Los Angeles! It's a move that has been a long time coming and severely overdue.  As scary as it is, and as hard as I anticipate it being I truly feel like it is the right decision! Gotta get this show on the rode, cause I am not getting any younger, and my life certainly isn't getting any longer!

Ready......

Set...

           GO!

A picture is worth a thousand words!

  I think the picture says all I need to! I am going to go on a rant before I go on my run this morning to let out some pent up anger!

  First of all, I hate going to bed angry cause I just wake up even more mad! That obviously happened. But I refuse to let it ruin my entire day like it did yesterday, so to prefice this... I am not going to name any names, but I can say this with 100% certainty, I don't give a damn if they know who they are either!

  I don't know who the hell you think you are putting your damn nose where it doesn't belong... in MY business.  And beyond that, you know NOTHING about what you THINK you are making a comment about. Then you want to judge me?!?!?!? I worked with you, and work with people you know.  We aren't close friends, we don't hang out, and you want to come in and act like you are better than me, and make statements about me to people I know "behind my back" in front of me? For real!?!?! Grow the hell up. In the big scheme of my life you are merely a pebble on the road of people I am going to leave behind, and I can assure you that my anger last night that carried over to this morning, and THIS rant is the most attention you will ever get from me. There are a handful of people that this is directed towards and I don't give 2 shits in the wind if they know it.

  None of you are going anywhere, or doing anything with your lives. You are stuck in a world  of mediocrity not because you have settled for a life that you are happy with, but purely because you aren't worth more than that. And no amount of laughs, and drinking are going to wash away the fact that a year from now, 5 years from now, you are still going to be doing the same damn thing, with the same damn people claiming you are happy in your dead end life, and continue to hate on me for making something of myself and leaving negative baggage like you in the dust!

  When it comes to my personal life, it is very personal, and there is no way in hell that you could possibly have enough information to pass a geralized judgement on me. And you know what? Think what you want... I don't care. I am not going to sit here and justify my actions or on goings day-to-day to people who don't even deserve the time I am spending to type this! I am through with this false sense of knowing people. Surface friends aren't friends, and you are not worth being in my life or even being associated with me. I know who I am, what I have done, and what I will do, and I know with all certainty I will NEVER see you at the top. So, I hope you see this, and know it is for you, and find it in your heart to one day thank me for wasting this time on you.

                                                    YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME!

I hate being annoyed! Wait...I'm not anymore!

This picture is a pretty adequate description of how I feel today! Who wouldn't want to have Melon Peel helmet on their head? And the color... impeccable. It will go with everything! But his face... ANNOYED! I don't know. I think it is part mental exhaustion, and part confusion! There is sooo much floating around in my head right now, and I am not sure that I am handling it well. I mean, my handling things poorly is still handling them well compared to most, so I guess there is no right to complain but sheesh!

I got off work late last night for a shift that I picked up for a friend and co-worker. Turned out to be more then worth it cause I made some much needed money that I didn't have before! But at the same time it was taking away from a night I needed to catch up on some things... like editing videos! I know everyone is waiting for the 3rd installment of the Fit Vlog with baited breath! ;) And there are a plethera of other things that need to be taken care of:
yard work, finishing cleaning, laundry, and making sure everything is ready for my trip to LA as well as the 4 more shoots I have before I leave in 2 weeks! And in all that I need to try to work out and fix this hernia.
Most are really good things, but there is still an element of annoyance that I never seem to be able to get anything done. Of course, I am getting a lot done, but to me it doesnt feel like it.

So as most of my days do, I start out annoyed, and by the end of it... I feel great! I am in a good mood, not nearly annoyed as I should be, and pretty much feeling good!

I woke up, tried to get some yard work done, when I realize that the belt for the power steering is out. Awesome! I get the front yard done and part of the back and have to stop to go get a body wrap done!

There is something miraculous about doing things that are good for you that just have the ability to immediately remove some of the stress from your mind. It is incredible. Things that you were pissed about before, suddenly you can't remember why you were pissed in the 1st place. My theory is that stress is toxic, and produces itself as toxins and nastiness crumming up your body so, when you do a hot power yoga and sweat, or you go into a steam room after a good workout, or you ride a bike out in the fresh air, get a body wrap done.... all of these things cause you to detox, and all of them are natural without any pills or vitamins.  I love to cleanse and detox, so I am in NO WAY bashing a natural herbal cleanse or detox program. I think they are extraordinarily helpful in making sure everything works properly (and I think you know what I mean). *Chuckles to self*

Other added benefits to a body wrap are:
*Cleasnse body of toxins and impurities
*Treats unsightly Cellulite
*No pills or Shots
*Tightens and tones your body
*Conditions and softens skin
*Slimming and Contouring effect
*Rejuvinates and revitalizes
*Fantastic for Psoriasis
*Firms up sagging skin

And.... in addition to all of that, the average person loses between 5 and 15 inches all over in just one visit! This is obviously determined on how much you have to lose, but the results are undeniable and completely painless. Most places also offer other types of treatments to help with problem areas and more moderate concerns, like Dry Skin Brushing! Don't know what that is... well good, cause I am going to save it for another blog! ;)

The place that I went is called Body Wraps by Daphne, and it is located on the North Side of Dallas. I will add their information at the bottom, and they took amazing care of me! I found a coupon on Living Social, and she mentioned that they also do a Groupon. (Will look for a link and include with their info!)


Body Wraps by Daphne
2351 W Northwest Hwy Ste 1305
Dallas, Tx 75220
214-753-6149 
dapsmal@gmail.com
http://daphnebodywraps.webs.com/

So, if you are interested in detoxing yourself of all the sins you commit and poison you willingly put inside your body(and no judgment here cause the shit is fun), want to feel better and lose some inches in the meantime... BODY WRAPS are a good way to go. The results aren't permanent, but I will go into more in my next blog. I will also let you know my results as well, and how many inches I lost (w/pictures...eeek!), and I think you might be surprised! Please if you contact Daphne and decide to do a treatment, let her know that Jessica Lee sent you, and you saw it on her blog. Until then...

I am working on editing  the FitVlog, and will be starting to go into more detail about my diet, and the things that I am doing to ween the amazing results I have gotten, AND there are a bunch of new and exciting things coming up........... PUMPED TO TELL YOU!!!!

Have a great rest of the week guys!
J

I am my own doctor??

Can I heal myself???? THAT is my new question.... and I hope the answer is YES!

A few things that have happened today that I feel pretty good about, and am interested to see what happens with them...

1. I have a hernia. It sucks. At first it was just a little tender and didn't really hurt so I wasn't concerned... all that much. But as a precaution, I stopped working out. SUCKY! I had made a lot of really good progress and had some tremendous results, and then had to stop which threw me and my new routine completely for a loop! BUT, I met this lady who said that she HAD a hernia and she healed it herself, and had recommended it to others who claim that they were able to wein the same results from the simple use of ALOE! 100% pure aloe juice. I had never even thought of it. Here is a website that lists all of the benefits if you are interested...
http://www.misalud.com/aloejuice.html
of course, simply google-ing it works too and they all say the same thing! You will reap almost immediate hair, skin and nail benefits. Helps with detoxifying your system, and there are lots of digestive and stomach benefits as well. AND has been shown to help in the treatment of some fatal illnesses like cancer! SO, wither way, I think it is safe to say that it is beneficial for me to take it. Even if it just helps with my puny little nails, that will not stop peeling, and irritating the PISS out of me.


2.Cassy, my roomie, and Seester, is talking about going into the military. In most instances I would be hesitant, and wary of allowing someone to jump right into that, BUT for some reason I agree that this MAY be her best option. It is disciplined, and stable and would teach her a skill, and allow her to go back to school, and hopefully get her life back on track. It is the first super logical thing she has said to me about her future in a while. Scary, but logical. We will see how that turns out, but I thought it was interesting!


3. Today I had a Parent/Teacher conference with my ex at my son's school. I am always afraid of these things because I know exactly what is going to happen.... My ex will play this little innocent angel and appear to be the best person IN THE WORLD, and try to make me seem unstable and then I will get defensive and we will start pointing the finger at eachother, and pass the blame around like a hot potato. This poor teacher had to listen to us yell and bicker for like 45 min, and I honestly think we should have paid her for her time. So we accomplish nothing at this meeting and then proceed to get into the car so he can drop me back off and we start at is again....... yelling, cursing, and blaming one another... and then something miraculous happened! I yelled, "STOP!" really loud, and we did. And then we parked the truck and had an actual conversation. We actually resolved some things, and for the first time in a LONG time I think we are on the same page. It was weird.... and though I am going to do my best to maintain it, I am still going to take advantage of this window that I have and work as many things out as possible.

4. Giving myself a mani/pedi is simply JUST not the same, but I am going to do it cause mama is BROKE and needs her nails tended to! lol.... Talk to you guys soon!!!1
J

Today has been a hard day...

This is literally just going to be a rant, and have no actual form or flow to it at all. I apologize in advance, but I need to get some shit off my chest!

I thought I was grumpy yesterday, and it was Friday the 13th. But today I woke up and it was even worse....

Nothing has gone right this week, and that SUCKS! I have felt poopy, and have a hernia.... and been taken advantage of ALL week. I finally hit my breaking point. Sucks!!!!!!!! The thing with me is that I love to be surrounded by fun and laughter. I want everyone around me to be happy and successful and feel loved. The problem is that sometimes that puts me in a position to be completely screwed over. And of course I take it personally. Everything I do comes from the heart, so that is the place the hurt goes if it doesn't work out.

This seemed most apparent to me in my most recent relationship. I have really only had one in the last year and a half, and there really is NOT much I can say as to how you would classify this one. I can't even tell you exactly how long we were together.... hmmmmmmm.

Anyway, so there I am, single and not miserable, and in walks this guy who I have known for the better part of a year, and he is successful and driven and divorced with kids... he makes me laugh and he understands my situation and how much I work, and we just seemed to "fit".  There were so many people who were like, "Yes, this makes sense." POWER COUPLE is how we were described.  We crammed a year's worth of a relationship into the 1st month. Next thing I know, we are talking about the future and everything that entails, and how we envisioned life with each other.... and then 2 months later..... and I haven't talked to him since. Not one word. and it has been months.... and nothing.

I have to be honest, other than my marriage I have NEVER been THAT forgiving and THAT understanding, and sacrificed THAT much to try to make a relationship work. I did absolutely EVERYTHING that I could to make the most of it, and he didn't even have the decency to break up with me.  Such a slap in the face. BUT, there are some lessons to be learned here.................

                                      I just am not sure what they are and if I have learned them yet.

I want to be cynical about relationships, and say that they don't work for this, this, and this reason. I want to say "Fuck Guys!" and all their immaturity and indecisiveness. I am finally in this place where I feel secure with who I am, and who I want to be, where I want to go, and what I want to do.... and I have no one to share it with.

There is someone... this intangible person that I see in my dreams nightly. This one man who makes up every star in my sky.  I want to hold him... I want to kiss the back of his neck, right at the hairline, and lightly rest my head on the back of his head. I want to wake up to morning coffee and have lunch under an umbrella on a beach.  And as romantic and poetic and fantasy like this all sounds... he and I have done all of these things before.  I know what we had, and I know what I lost.  And I know it was my fault. SO........

I have started to believe that I have been hurt repeatedly to pay me back for the pain that I have also caused.

I think they call this karma.  I can only hope that I have done enough good since then to tilt the scales back into my favor, because I will see this man soon, and then... only then... will we know.

Until then I am doing the best I can to take advantage of every second of every day, and make the most of it. I WILL succeed this time, and failure is NOT an option. I will do what it takes, and nothing less. I will not let life, a man, or anyone or thing beat me down this time. I will not allow nay-sayers to creep into my head an place some false sense of doubt inside because deep down... I know better. I have been there, and I have seen it. I have felt it and tasted it, and I crave it once again...

                              

                              Happiness...

                                              Success...

                                                            Security....

                                                                            Peace!

And soon... It will be mine.

The Vliggity Vlog: Behind the Scenes on The Bite

This is what happens behind the scenes of the Bite shoots... and you thought film sets were supposed to be professional environments... Guess you will think twice about that! :)