Don' be impatient... I haven't gone anywhere...
But you remember when your parents used to say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" That should answer your questions... if you even had any in the first place.
In the last couple of months my life has done a complete 180.... I thought I was on one track and it seems that I was derailed. But the most amazing things have happened, and I am back on the track that I SHOULD be on. I am not going to be on here ranting about anything negative, because there is no reason to revisit anything that made my life less than it deserves to be. What I would like to do is tell you some of the things that I have learned and how it has catapulted my life to be everything I said it would, even though when I said them, I thought they were ridiculous...
When you love someone and do whatever you have to do to make it work, I thought that was what loving someone meant. I realize now, that you ARE supposed to do that, but when the other person loves you back, they are aware, and don't take advantage of it. There is a balance, and a mutual respect for your love and your relationship... and at some point, you have to put that energy back into all the pieces of yourself that you sacrificed for someone else.
My goals when I moved to LA were that I wanted to have a manger/agent within 6 months, and I wanted to be going out for a full length feature film or TV series by June. I have now accomplished both of those things, and I could not be happier. "Why June?" you might ask. Well, June because it is the 6th month of the year and I wanted to have made incredible strides within the first half of the new year, and because my son is coming to LA for the Summer and he comes in June. So I wanted to be establishing a momentum by then so that I wasn't so stressed and struggling when he got here.
In this process, I have met some of the most amazing people, and started to do some of the most amazing things. I finally have people surrounding me that not only understand the things I want, and am trying to do, but are fully supportive and generate a creative energy inside me that fuels me to do things I never thought possible. I have started doing things I never knew I was capable of, and am creating and being more than I thought I could, and it has changed the way that I view my goals, and made them even bigger and clearer.
Bigger?!?! Bigger than winning an Oscar? Bigger than having my own TV show? Yes... bigger because I feel them more strongly and deeply. I feel so much more convicted to them than I did before. I was still hanging on to fear.... the fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough or deserving enough of my dreams. I know now that I not only deserve everything that I can dream of, but that the sky is the limit, and anything less than that, I prevented myself from achieving. Why the hell would I EVER do that!?!?
I also realized, that losing love is a very sad thing, but it opens the door to find the right kind of love. The kind that opens your heart back up, opens your mind to the belief that it is possible, opens your eyes to how you should be loved, and opens your life to being shared with someone who balances it, as well as lifts it up instead of holding it down. Regardless of heartbreak, and I have had many in my life, I have never lost faith that "true love" exists for everyone, and the things that it should contribute to you. "Fairytale" relationships can exist, but it isn't up to you to make both sides believe it.... I have realized that the other person has to be the one to make YOU believe it. But you have to stay open to the idea of it in the first place. I know that I am not where I thought I was going to be right now, or with who I thought I would be here with, but I am in a BETTER place and with better places come better people. You don't find Prince Charming in the slums! And you have to know you deserve it.
Life is a funny thing, but when you know who you are, and what you want, it is your job to do what you need to do to put yourself on the right track. Once you are on that track, everything else falls into place, and you start to meet the people who are on the same track as you and aid you in your goals... even if it is just by knowing you can do it. A simple phone call or text to let you know they are there and thinking of you, and life is suddenly one step further than you thought it would be. Surrounding yourself with these people is one of the most important things you can do for you and your dreams! And as hard as it is, everyone else is expendable. I hate to be that blunt, but let's be honest, deep down you know that those people would just as easily get rid of you for their own personal success.
I can say with all honesty and conviction, that I am the absolute happiest I have been in a VERY long time, and right now I have found such contentment, that I don't know that I could be any happier at this moment than I am. I have been working on trying to stay present, but I always have my future in the forefront of my mind. I refuse to lose sight of my goals or let anyone think they can take them from me. My life is mine, and I have taken full responsibility for it. Every minute of every day should have intention, even if that intention is to finally let yourself have a little fun. It has to start somewhere, and it will always come back to starting with you.
Put a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and one foot firmly in front of the other.
Rinse and repeat!
